


Unintentional Evil

by keltatonic



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, F/M, Light Angst, Miscommunication, Poor Megamind, Poor Roxanne, Romance, Tech gone wrong, accidental mutual masturbation, i'm gonna stop tagging now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25323523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keltatonic/pseuds/keltatonic
Summary: Megamind is in for a surprise when Roxanne shoots him with his nonfunctional 'mind control' gun.
Relationships: Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 202





	Unintentional Evil

This. Was. Bad.

This was _so_ bad.

This was—very—the worst. This was— _so_ much worse than the worst.

Impossibly bad.

Oh god.

It had all started innocently enough—well, ‘innocently’ for Megamind, which, to be fair, wasn’t all that innocent.

It had started with a device. A harmless little device. Okay—so _maybe_ that ‘device’ was a gun, but it wasn’t _that_ kind of gun! Anyway, the point of that gun was—well… yes, the point of that gun was to do evil, but not _this_ kind of evil!

Okay.

The _point_ of that gun was mind control. The idea was that both the shooter and the target would be dosed with a cloud of synchronized nanites who would make their way into both subjects’ brains. One team of nanites would then read the signals sent through the shooter’s neural pathways, while the other team would translate corresponding signals onto the target’s brain. So Megamind would shoot Metro Man, imagine the hero surrendering—or maybe punching himself in the face, or flying into the sun—and then Metro Man would actually _do_ the action. Seemed simple enough. But Megamind could never get the damn things to work right. Or _at all_. He’d tried shooting Minion a few of times, but the results had been less than impressive.

And so, the mind-control gun had been placed on one of the tables in the lab, with the intention that it would be destroyed.

And then it had been forgotten—lost amidst the clutter. These things happen.

Unfortunately, it had been found again, many months later by one, Miss. Ritchi, right in the middle of a kidnapping. Metro Man had already burst in, and he and Megamind were in the middle of an epic battle. Roxanne had managed to get loose and was scrambling through the lab, searching for a way to help, when her eyes fell on the gun.

And okay— _maybe_ engraving labels on many of his inventions was a bad move, but after being blasted by Minion with a shrink ray that the fish thought was an anti-gravity beam—thank god the device was designed with a reverse setting—Megamind had decided that labels were a good thing.

So, when Roxanne glanced over the discarded bits of tech covering the table and saw a gun labelled ‘mind control,’ it must have seemed like an obvious choice.

Brandishing the thing at Megamind—who had _just_ landed a rather impressively good hit on Metro Man—she yelled out, “Megamind—think fast!” And shot. Sure, it wasn’t the _best_ one liner—though coming from her lips, it was absolutely endearing. And the cocky half smirk that accompanied it was just so… erm.

Never mind. Anyway, her shot was true, and Megamind was struck, and the capsule containing the nanites exploded on impact, while the gun puffed out a cloud of bots around Roxanne.

The bots’ first protocol was to find a way into their subject’s body, so both Megamind and Roxanne began coughing as the bots invaded their respiratory pathways. Then there was a pregnant pause where everyone stared at everyone else, waiting for something to happen. Unfortunately, that ‘something’ was Megamind laughing a sharp triumphant ‘Ha!’ and turning back to his fight against Metro Man, completely unaffected.

Well… mostly unaffected. He could feel this smallest hint of… it was hard to describe. It was like there was a slight buzzing in his brain that tingled down through his limbs. Maybe it was psychosomatic.

It wasn’t until an airborne piece of debris came dangerously close to hitting Roxanne that the efficacy of the bots was confirmed. Megamind watched helplessly from across the room as the large hunk of concrete sailed toward her, but thankfully she dove to avoid it. She landed hard on the ground and let out a hiss at her slightly skinned knees and palms.

Instantaneously, the pain was reflected in _Megamind’s_ body. He couldn’t see his knees or hands, but it _felt_ like he’d skinned them as well. Between the phantom pain and Roxanne almost being struck, he was distracted enough that he failed to notice an incoming punch from Metro Man. It crashed into his jaw and sent him flying across the room.

And that was the end of _that_ battle.

Megamind was carted away to prison and the mind reflection was largely forgotten until that evening, when the stinging in his hands returned. Now able to investigate his bare palms, he discovered… nothing. They were completely unmarred. The flicker of pain _must_ be coming from Roxanne.

He rolled his eyes—a gun that hijacked neural pathways to replicate pain in one’s enemies. So all he had to do was shoot Metro Man, and then hurt _himself_? Super great weapon—real five star design. Bravo Megamind.

The faint stinging pain moved to his knees. She was likely cleaning the scrapes. Well, at least the nanites worked, in _some_ respect. He was actually surprised they were still linked this far across town. He could be proud of that, at least.

Still. He was a little irked that the bots only seemed to replicate relatively strong physical sensations—and it definitely wasn’t _control_.

Eh. Oh well.

The stinging faded and he settled in for another night in his torturously decorated prison cell. He was right on the verge of sleep when a new sensation drew his attention—a sort of tingling, fluttering, pleasant twinge between his legs that—Oh!

His eyes flew open.

Oh no. No!

This was—no!

Oh please no…

He choked back a pitiful whimper and pressed a hand to his sex in a useless attempt to quell the sensation. Little good _that_ did. It became more intense and he began squirming his hips, hoping it would go away.

Fuck, that felt nice—dammit! No!

This. Was. Bad.

This was _so_ bad.

This was—very—the worst. This was— _so_ much worse than the worst.

Impossibly bad.

Oh god.

And the fact that it was Roxanne!

She was going to kill him! Literal murder. And he would deserve it. The—the invasion of privacy! The grotesque perversion of it! Not to mention the fact that it was _him_ —leering in on such a deeply intimate moment! She’d be so disgusted—on so many levels!

He spent the next few panicked moments trying and failing to ignore the sensations, but then something changed, throwing his entire world off balance. The only way to describe it was the feeling of stretching around something— _down there_. He let out vicious a string of expletives— _please_ let him not be feeling Metro Man plowing his girlfriend. It was just too horrible.

But—no. This was the second Friday of the month, right? Metro Man had a standing date to see the opera with his mother that he _never_ missed—Megamind, knew this because invading _Metro Man’s_ privacy didn’t mean squat.

And Roxanne would never cheat, so—

Dildo? Had to be.

She was…

With a dildo.

His mind instantly conjured up an image and—

No no no no no! It was bad enough to think of her on a normal day, but right now it would be entirely inappropriate.

He let out a whine and thrust his hips—against nothing.

This was—this was _maddening_! Fuck! The sensation—and the simultaneous _lack_ of it were driving him wild. He couldn’t—he couldn’t take it! He flipped onto his stomach, placed his pillow between his legs, and ground his hips into it, moaning wantonly. He wanted to shove a hand down his pants, but touching himself seemed wrong. It bordered on using her—taking advantage, for his own pleasure—rather than just trying to survive this hell.

He once again attempted to regain control, but she had set up a rhythm, and the unrelenting pulses coursing through him were merciless. He couldn’t help but move in sync with them, and oh, how he hated himself. Unintentional though it may be, this was by far the most despicable thing he’d ever done. His hips rocked and he bit his lip, hard, as the momentum built—refusing to let himself picture her.

But he could _feel_ her… He could feel _everything_ …

Roxanne’s orgasm ripped through him like a tidal wave—tearing a groan from him and triggering his own shuddering climax. As the bolt of pure pleasure slowly subsided, he lay in a heap, panting and trembling. He hadn’t come that hard in a very, very long time, if ever. A vile disgust churned in his stomach as he tried to catch his breath.

Now what?

He should… tell her. Right?

His face twisted into a grimace at the thought.

Could he… _not_ tell her? He was a supervillain, after all.

No. No—he had to. Keeping this from her would cross a line that he wasn’t willing to cross.

And after he confessed?

Well. He’d just have to deal with it. And if she never wanted to see him again? So be it. It was no less than he deserved.

x.x.x.x.x

Minion broke him out of prison the following morning—because Minion was a wonderful amazing fish. He stopped by the Evil Lair to change—opting for a more toned-down version of his usual getup, sans cape. Once dressed, he grabbed the hoverbike and—concealed using the bike’s invisibility setting—made his way to Roxanne’s balcony. She was lounging on her couch, reading, when he tapped on the glass.

She jumped in surprise, and then narrowed her eyes at him in confusion before walking over to open the balcony door.

“Megamind?”

“Uh—Miss Ritchi—yes. It’s… it’s me.”

She stared at him blankly. “Yes. I can see that,” she stated. “ _Why_ is it you.”

“Yes, well.” He fidgeted. “Miss Ritchi, there’s—er—something I—I need to tell you.” He swallowed, dread weighing like a rock in his stomach. “The mind control gun—it—it worked. In a manner of speaking.”

Her brows came together. “But… how?”

“I… er… it was…” Oh evil gods, he must be positively fuschia right now! “It turns out, it was less… mind control, and more… mind _reflection_?” he said, gesturing vaguely. “Or maybe long distance brainwave replication is more accurate?”

She frowned and he pressed on before the absolute terror of admitting what had happened could stop him.

“I… may have… been privy to some… _things_. Last night.” He stared at her pointedly, hoping she’d read between the lines and not make him spell it out.

She looked confused for a moment, and then her eyes widened, her mouth forming a horrified ‘o.’

He flinched. “I didn’t mean to. And—I know, it’s a gross invasion of your privacy. And I promise—if I could have stopped, or let you know, I would have.”

“… Oh. I… I see,” she said faintly, much to his surprise. He’d expected a much more furious reaction—frankly, he expected to be slapped—but instead, she let out a slow, shaking breath. “So. You know, then? Last night?”

He gave her a reluctant nod and she put a hand over her mouth, her eyes squinching closed, and let out a wretched, miserable groan.

And his heart twisted to hear it. She was in the throes of disgust, because _he_ —the repulsive alien—her repeat kidnapper—had essentially mind-ogled her while she got herself off. He was such a fucking monster. This was beyond evil.

“I am so sorry,” he said solemnly, knowing an apology wasn’t nearly enough. “I’m sure this is—extremely unpleasant for you—”

Her eyes snapped open. “Unpleasant!” Ah. Here was the temper. “This is the most _embarrassing_ moment of my entire life! You—” She groaned again. “Dammit Megamind! You—you saw me _fantasizing_ about you!” she hissed in a shouted whisper.

“And I am so, _so_ sor—” Her words registered and his sentence was forgotten. “Wait—what?”

“Fuck…” She buried her face in her hands, but he could still make out the redness of her cheeks.

What. The hell. Was happening.

“Miss—Miss Ritchi…?”

“Mmph.” Face still covered, she shook her head back and forth.

About him? She was _fantasizing about_ _him_?

But—he _hadn’t_ seen that. He hadn’t _seen_ anything!

_‘Long distance brainwave replication…’_

A misinterpretation?

He gulped. Shit. Had he somehow managed to make things even _worse_?

“I… didn’t really… _see_ anything. It was more—” He cringed. “It was more like I _felt_ it. Physically, I mean.”

She let out a distressed hum and crumpled to a crouch on the ground, and he was caught between wanting to console her and wanting to give her as much space as possible. Unsure of what to do, his mind went back to trying to process everything.

He supposed her fantasy wasn’t really _that_ impossible—after all, he was certainly guilty of fantasizing about her. Of course, that mostly had to do with the fact that he’d been hopelessly in love with her since the fourth or fifth time he kidnapped her… Regardless. Fantasizing about someone who tied you up? It wasn’t the strangest thing in the world.

She finally dropped her hands and took a deep breath before looking up at him, her face still crimson. “Sorry,” she murmured.

And—oh my god—she looked to be on the verge of tears!

“Miss Ritchi, you—you have nothing to apologize for!” he exclaimed, crouching down so their eyes were level. “This was entirely _my_ fault!” He’d invented the damn gun!

“But—” Her lip was trembling. “— _I_ shot _you_. Agh! And then I _told_ you what I—and now you know! And I—” A tear spilled over. Then another. She quickly wiped them away and pressed her lips together, obviously trying to hold back more.

“It’s fine,” he said as gently as he could. “It’s fine—I promise, I won’t say a word to your boyfriend.”

Her posture stiffened and she looked at him in confusion. “My…?” Realization dawned in her eyes. “Oh. No. That’s not why—” She shook her head weakly. “I don’t _have_ a boyfriend. And I’m not worried about Wayne. I’m embarrassed because—because you _know_ , now.” Her expression twisted into a despondent grimace. “You… said you… felt it?” She once again hid her face in her hand and let out a noise of distress. “Like… _felt it_ , felt it?”

_—isn’t dating Metro Man? She doesn’t have a—what? Dammit—no! Doesn’t matter. Not important right now._

“Yes,” he admitted. “Physical sensations.”

Her entire body cringed. “… so humiliating…” she mumbled under her breath. “God, I’m so sorry. That must have been so—for you, I—” her voice faltered and she took a shaking breath.

No no no—please let her not cry again!

“Miss Ritchi, you _really_ don’t need to feel bad on my behalf! You may hate me for saying this,” he said quickly, nervously, “but I actually found the experience to be—intensely and irre-fuh-tably pleasurable.” He winced. “In a terrible, guilt-laden sort of way,” he added. Heat flared in his cheeks. “Sorry,” he muttered, dropping his gaze to the ground. “I _tried_ not to enjoy it. But I… didn’t have the fortitude.”

Oh, this was so horrible. _He_ was so horrible. What he’d done was—deplorable. Unforgiveable.

Silence hung heavily in the air, and Megamind was on the verge of bolting, never to return, when he heard Miss Ritchi snort. He lifted his gaze and was surprised to find that her hand was now covering her mouth in what looked like a failing attempt to stifle further laughter. A mirthful smile peeked from around her fingers and her eyes danced in amusement.

“You—didn’t have the—” She lost the battle and her laughter bubbled forth.

Megamind had _no clue_ how to handle this.

“It—must have been—quite a trial—” she choked between laughs, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I can’t even—imagine! Oh, Megamind—I am _so_ sorry!” A new wave of helpless giggles spilled forth.

And, really, how could he not chuckle along with her?

By the time they had sobered up enough to meet each other’s eyes without breaking into new bouts of laughter, they were sprawled across the floor—Roxanne sitting against the couch, her legs stretched out in front of her, and Megamind leaning back, propped up on his elbows.

He had roughly explained the situation—what had happened and _how_ it had happened—when Roxanne asked the obvious question. “So, how long will these nanites stay in our system?”

He made a face. “I honestly don’t know. Shouldn’t be more than a day or two. They’re designed to evacuate the body, but there’s a bit of flexibility in the timing. Minion and I gave up on the testing pretty quickly, so I don’t have much data, unfortunately.”

She hummed in understanding. “Well… If you wanted,” she said, a little haltingly, “we could, maybe do some further testing…?”

He frowned—what a strange proposition. And why did she seem so flustered? “I appreciate the offer Miss Ritchi, but it seems the bots only respond to strong physical stimulus. And I would never injure you just to test such a useless weapon.” Frankly, he would never injure her at all. He thought she had picked up on that.

She stared at him blankly. “I wasn’t suggesting that you _injure_ me, Megamind,” she said, her voice flat, and then she sighed. “Never mind,” she murmured softly. “I think—I may have misunderstood things. It’s fine.”

It was a full three second later before the pieces finally clicked into place and his jaw dropped. “You meant—”

“Please—just, forget it,” she mumbled, looking away. “It’s fine—you don’t have to—”

“You _want_ to?” he burst out, because— _what the hell_ _the universe were they in right now_? “ _You_ want to—‘test the nanites’—with _me_?” He made ridiculously large air quotes around the phrase because he needed to be damn sure they both understood it was a euphemism.

She glanced over at him and then dropped her gaze again, and—holy hell, was she blushing? God—he wanted to kiss her!

“Only if you want to,” she finally said. “I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“Pressured?” He let out a short laugh and shook his head before sitting up straight, his legs crossed in front of him, and meeting her eyes, a smile still curving his lips. “Miss Ritchi. I would be absolutely thrilled to do this with you,” he said. “I just can’t imagine you’d really want to engage in such an activity with me.”

She looked perplexed. “But—of course I do. You did understand me when I said I was fantasizing about you, right?”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you _really_ meant it—in reality,” he said in absolute disbelief. “I thought it was—I don’t know—a kink, or something. I mean—how could you ever want this?” he asked, gesturing to himself.

She regarded him silently for a moment, a slight wrinkle between her brows, and then crawled over and knelt in front of him. “Megamind,” she said gently, “I have wanted this,” she gestured to him, “and this,” she gently placed her palm against the side of his head, “and this,” she pressed her hand to his chest, over his heart, “—I have wanted all of it for quite some time.” She gave him a nervous half smile.

It took him a moment to realize he’d stopped breathing and he had to gasp for air as his heart tried to break free from of his chest and fly away.

“And again,” she continued, “no pressure. I just… thought you should know.”

She… couldn’t mean… “You… want me? You _want me_ , want me?” he said, his voice sounding very small and very uncertain.

She nodded, an anxious, hopeful question in her eyes. A question only he could answer.

“Roxanne,” he whispered softly—and apparently the reverent, adoring way he said it was answer enough, because that single word brought the most brilliant, dazzling, radiant smile he’d ever seen to her lips.

He hesitantly reached toward her, half expecting her to pull away, but she let him brush the tips of his fingers lightly through her hair. He leaned forward, slowly, carefully, and was ridiculously thankful when she met him halfway. The kiss was cautious, at first, but as they grew more certain of each other, it grew in intensity.

“Well,” breathed Megamind, when they finally broke apart.

“Well,” echoed Roxanne. And then a teasing smile danced over her lips. “Shall we?”

He laughed. “It _would_ be a shame to waste this opportunity.”

She grinned. “For science.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “For science.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what to say on this one. I thought that accidental mutual masturbation would be funny/fun. And this is what happened. And dammit--Megamind deserves all the happy endings! 
> 
> PS. The fake science: too science-y? or not science-y enough? Let me know in the reviews!  
> Nanites! Why the hell not.
> 
> PPS. Notice the lack of any kind of description on Megamind's genitalia? That is because I have NO CLUE what direction I wanna go with that. So, for now, avoidance is the plan.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, and thank you for reading!


End file.
